“But for God!”

By Brad Breckenridge

Brad Breckenridge

I was 17 years old again, no kidding. A lost boy gone from home once more for years unknown.

Oh, that palpable feeling of emptiness and strange surroundings, alongside memories of familiar homey things, loved ones and friends, and my beloved church left behind!

It’s definitely an adventure heading out alone into the unknown, to new lands with new challenges yet to be overcome. Exchanging the well known for the unknown with no turning back, no quitting, and no other option, and leaving Tucson behind for a very long time.

No longer that high school kid from the town downstate from Chicago that was home to the well-worn phrase, Will it play in Peoria? Full of the hubris, youthful angst, and low self-esteem common to my age, I was off to be an Army man, escaping to a future of my own making.

Fast forward four decades, and there I am again… off to PeeWee’s Big Adventure.

Not to the Army this time, but off to the highway with literally nothing but a big truck to call home, living in 80 cubic feet of sleeper cab. Eighteen wheels over the forty-eight and Canada.

I had become a disenfranchised, desperate church and family man, my former livelihood at its end due to the housing market crash – that great market that had boomed for a twenty year period.

But not this only. Other troubles were mine.

The loss of our firstborn 29-year-old son just one year previous. My dependence on painkillers to continue in the construction trades – heck, to be able to get out of bed!

These things combined were able to bring about a serious low point in this man’s life or anyone’s.

But now here I was, CDL Class A in hand, and the open road seemed my only option. It was an option I did not particularly want to take. The truth is, I went kicking and screaming. After all, who wants this one?

Yet I did hope for the best, and I tried to encourage myself. With a low physical stress job I could be pain free. This was important because professional driving requires regular drug tests. In addition, I would be able to provide some kind of income stream to my family.

I reminded myself, too, that I’ve enjoyed learning new skills over the course of my entire life, so this certainly fit with that attitude.

And finally, I would get to see all of our great United States of America – not too shabby a prospect, although knowing my way flawlessly around Los Angeles was not part of that original thinking.

Upon completing truck school (uh-hem) the only jobs for rookie know-nothings were with the huge fleets. These giants needed bodies to hold the steering wheels. Enter the world of large fleet trucking companies. They had government approved and financed training programs. So desperate has this industry always been that approved fleets get taxpayer money to train drivers.

Werner Trucking hired this guy. My brief five months with this outfit is a true American tale of unbelief and surrealism worthy of a standalone story of nonfiction.

Those several years at the beginning, I quit four jobs just to chase a few cents more per mile with each new company. Between jobs, I would come home for a month to do projects on the homes of former clients.

Finally, I reached my limit and came home with doubts about ever going back on the road.

That was the point when Pastor Warner’s three favorite words in the Bible came into play: But for God.

I could never have imagined what was coming my way – that which was orchestrated by God.

During my years of Christian experience, I would occasionally throw out a half-serious rhetorical question in casual conversation: Let's say you wake up in the morning to find that there is no more church, all is gone, and you are left to yourself. Would you be able to stay saved? Ha, ha, the joke was on me!

Back home now, I found that the same reasons that I originally went out on the road still applied. I went because I felt there must be something better out there, and now I spent much time trying to find it online. The process was very frustrating and depressing. I was determined not to end up with another large fleet.

I was on the verge of a decision to go back out with Heartland, of whom I had heard some good things.

Then a thought popped into my head to visit the website for the OOIDA (Owner-Operator Independent Drivers Association). Could there be any ads on this site?

Yes, D.J. Rose Transport had a well-written ad, looking for a driver with a minimum of one and a half years refrigerated trailer experience, and offering a fantastic per mile pay rate!

The ad had run for six months with no success at all for owner Dave Rose. Why?

In no time, I was flying to Tipp City, Ohio, and from July 2014 to October 2019 – the rest of my professional driving life – I drove for a man who knew everything there was to know about trucking.

I had much to learn. He expected me to take on responsibility I never had with the big fleets. To make a list of all I had to stay on top of … well, that would take some pages.

Twice during my first six months Dave barked, “Come on, Brad! This is the major leagues! You do not want to get sent back down to the minors!”

Somewhere along the way, I chose to submit myself to this man. Then came the day I shall never forget.

I was driving I-80 westbound through Nevada, and making no time in my life for God had finally resulted in a cold heart and heavy feelings of oppression. Sick of guilt from becoming carnal. Sorry for myself, always gone and alone.

I was tired of my existence, the self-blame, and self-failure. I wanted to get away from this lousy feeling.

I wanted to feel free from the condemnation.

I came up with a great solution! I decided to quit the Christian life. I found myself saying it out loud: I quit. From now on, Brad Breckenridge is going to do whatever Brad Breckenridge wants to do. Ha! Problem solved.

One minute passed. Two. Three minutes passed. Four…

But for God! Suddenly, I saw my soul! It was empty and it was black!

Oh, my God! Jesus! I am so sorry, Lord! What horror! The Holy Spirit had left me! I had thrown away my salvation and my Lord!

No one – no one! – will ever be able to tell me you are "once saved always saved." No one will ever tell me that you can not lose your salvation, for I know I had lost mine. It was a horrible and a bleak experience!

There I was: 75 mph, 79,000 lbs., weeping and praying, speaking in tongues and worshipping God.

I asked His forgiveness and continued to do so for the rest of the day… and it was good… it was so good!

But let me tell you, the best was yet to come!

I look back at those eight years on the road and wonder at the perfect circumstances and perfect timing of the whole odyssey. What began with uncertainty and continued in hardship – now I can see the hand of God in it all.

Yes, life can be a tough old dog. If all things in your life are smooth sailing and excellence, that is too bad. Experiencing desperation and troubles is what turns us toward God. Being broken before the Lord and placing all things before Him: this is where we begin to find the true riches.

While this short story doesn’t allow for the building of the whole circumstantial narrative to give you the full understanding of my experience, let me attempt a brief outline.

First, I am pushed into this job. Next, after sufficient time, I cool on the Christian life. Then I throw away four decades of spiritual wellbeing in Christ! Now God has me right where He wants me: a broken man. Why? Because He has a plan to fill me up as I could never have before imagined.

The next four-plus years, I received a seminary-type education. Unlimited phone data, the expanding phone coverage, combined with all that was now on YouTube in a wealth of preaching and teaching by brilliant men of God that love Jesus.

But here is the kicker! Driving all day gave me the time to discover and listen to the things of God – the deep things of God. Listening to the audio Bible and PhD-level teaching filled my soul. God was not done.

But being filled with His Word brought a new issue that was more than I could bear. I was unable to be the man that God was calling me to be. This is holy ground in anyone’s life.

To bring a believer onto this ground is something only God can do. Any attempt to describe to you what it is all about – no can do. What I can declare is that on March 11th of 2019, I told Him I was all in.

Whatever was and is to come, my full commitment was for our God. However many years on this earth are left to me, I'm all in. My time, my energy, my all… are His. I want it all, everything He has.

And that's more than we can comprehend. Knowing Him deeply is reward enough; yet there is more.

The best is yet to come!

I am home now in Tucson. Glad to be off the road. Yet I am grateful for what God wrought in me, in the crucible of that big truck.

The adventure in Christ continues, and just as Paul wrote in Philippians 3:14, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."