Caution: God at work
By Donna Shelton
God sees your broken heart over your lost children. I can relate to mothers who cry as they pray for their wayward sons and daughters, and I want to encourage you with the Word of God and with the words of prodigals who have returned.
At a recent prayer breakfast in Dina Gastelum’s home, Dana Fussell gave her testimony of backsliding and returning to the Lord. I was among many mothers who were extremely encouraged by this, and I decided to ask several church kids why they backslid in the first place and what made them come back.
One said it was because of a bad relationship they didn’t want to give up, which is the answer I most expected. But another said, “I became too comfortable and too familiar with the presence of God and the house of God. It became just another place to go hang out and see people. I lost all respect and reverence for God‘s presence. This caused me to backslide in my heart long before I left church.”
In my own experience, my father who was a pastor separated from my mother when I was 21 years old. This decision of theirs went against everything they had taught me all my life and threw me into a great state of confusion.
There are many reasons that our children may backslide, but once it has happened, how do we respond? The most common answer I received is that they respond best to love.
“When I would talk to people from church (especially my parents) I was expecting them to beat me down with the Gospel,” said Josh Unruh. “The best response was from those who just loved me and genuinely wanted to know how I was doing; who cared for me as a person. That genuine love and concern from people is what touched me the most.”
Dana Fussell said something very similar. She knew that what she was doing was wrong, but she didn’t respond well to criticism, rebuke, or people quoting Scripture to her.
“I could quote Scripture right back at them,” she said. “Church kids need to be shown God’s unfailing, never-ending love. That’s primarily what brought me back: the love my dad showed me through his words and actions. My dad lovingly telling me that it was my life and I had to choose what I wanted to do with it gave me a sense of dignity and self-respect. I had the understanding that I was responsible for my actions. That’s what got me thinking.”
I’m sure I’m not the only parent who became fearful when they saw their child begin to make bad decisions. We so want the best for them! We see their bad choices and believe they will ruin their lives.
But fear is going to elicit the wrong response from us, and we may end up pushing them away. It’s by exercising faith and trust in God that we can respond in the kind of love that will draw them back to Jesus.
Looking back, I believe that one of the reasons I reacted with wrong responses to my child is that I didn’t yet truly understand God’s unconditional love. But even when we make mistakes, God is still on the throne. Remember the battle is the Lord’s (1 Samuel 17:47).
Cory Galindez said he backslid in 1995 after returning from being “downsized by the Marine Corps.”
He felt like a failure and he felt disconnected from his church family. Then the rest of the family returned from Disneyland and his sister accused him of having sex with a girl in the house while they were on vacation.
“When she leveled this accusation against me, I was shocked,” he said, “but not as shocked as when my parents believed her. I was thrown out of the house and disowned. My father stood in the driveway and screamed that he no longer had a son named Cory. He ordered my siblings and mother to never speak my name again, and marched back into the house, leaving me in the street with a duffel bag filled with everything I owned. I hadn’t done anything, and I hated them for it.”
But even in his backslidden state, Cory recalls that “God was faithful to haunt my life and interrupt my sin at every available opportunity.”
We don’t have to beg God to save our sons and daughters. God loves them more than we do. In Jeremiah 3:13 it says He is married to the backslider: “Return, O backsliding children,’ says the Lord; ‘for I am married to you.’”
God doesn’t divorce us because we are lost. He fights for what is His. Our children belong to the Lord!
Cory recalls that his parents’ extreme act of abandonment served as the very catalyst for his salvation.
“As Joseph told his brothers, ‘You meant it for evil, but the Lord meant it for good.’ Their decision to sever ties with me completely left me without a safety net. When I was homeless, I was really homeless. When I was addicted to crystal meth, there was no one to drive me to the hospital. When I was arrested, no one came to bail me out. I was alone with my sin, my depravity, my soul-deep loneliness. Ultimately, this led me to the cusp of suicide, and it was at this critical moment that I really, for the first time in my life, surrendered to Christ.”
God knows each heart and is able to reach each one in His unique way with His wonderful love. For Josh Unruh, that took the form of a divine visitation from God.
“God brought me back by literally calling my name while I was driving one day,” said Josh. “I was in my car and I heard Him call my name and ask me what I was doing. It convicted me and I prayed right there in my car.”
Dana, on the other hand, was very logical and practical in her decision to come back to the Lord.
“One day, after I knew I wanted to sever the relationship I had with that guy and fully serve God, I drew a line down the middle of a piece of paper. On one side I wrote something like If I Choose to Serve God, and on the other, If I Continue with the Way I’m Living. It was part of the process I went through to choose what I wanted to do with my life. And in short, that’s what brought me back.”
Recently in church we were singing the song Reckless Love with its wonderful lyrics:
There's no shadow You won't light up, mountain You won't climb up, coming after me;
There's no wall You won't kick down, lie You won't tear down, coming after me!
God spoke to my heart while we were singing, letting me know that’s what He would do for my prodigal, and He’ll do it for yours, too. Cast your cares upon Jesus and surrender the burden of your prodigal to Him. He is your burden bearer.
In Matthew 11:28 He says, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” When the devil comes in like a flood with all his lies, bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (II Corinthians 10:5).
Don’t allow the enemy to get a foothold in your mind. When you pray for your child, use your sword: the Word of God. Put your trust in Him and in His Word, and not in what you see.
You have a battle to fight, but it is in your mind, it is not with your child. Eph. 6:10-18 says: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against …the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places…take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one..” It’s worth reading the whole book of Ephesians, for you are in a spiritual battle for your child.
For many years I have been going back to Isaiah 49:25 for encouragement. I trust it will speak to you: “But this is what the Lord says: ‘Yes, captives will be taken from warriors and plunder retrieved from the fierce; I will contend with those who contend with you, and your children I will save.’”
The battle for your kids also begins with what you are confessing with your mouth. What are you saying about them? Beth Coughlin shared this sage advice: “Don’t curse your child by praying or speaking negative things into their life – bad things to bring them to their knees. I’ve prayed, ‘God, do whatever you have to do to bring my son to complete surrender to You.’”
This prayer unties God’s hands while still leaving your child safely in them. God knows best how to reach each one, and He has a plan for your child.
Beth also said to thank the Lord now for your children’s salvation because that day is certainly coming.
In Romans 4:17 (KJV), Paul says that Abraham believed God “who quickeneth the dead and calleth those things which be not as though they were.” We must be sure we are speaking those things that God is speaking about our children, because He is speaking the truth about their future: “And your children I will save!”
We, too, must speak those things that are not as though they already were. Revelation 12:11 says the words of our mouths have power over the enemy: “And they triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.”
I leave you with God’s promise to you in Jeremiah 3:16-17: “This is what the Lord says: ‘Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,’ declares the Lord. They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your descendants,’ declares the Lord. ‘Your children will return to their own land.’”