What About the Change?
By Kelly Cilano
I first prayed the sinner’s prayer at my mother-in-law’s kitchen table. Afterward, we went to the drugstore to get cigarettes for her. She wasn’t very old in the Lord, and she hadn’t quit smoking yet.
I did feel better after I prayed and had high expectations for whatever was next... but of what, I didn’t really know. Was I even really saved?
Next, I went with my mother-in-law to a little white Nazarene church in Paramus, New Jersey. It had a steeple and a white picket fence. It looked like something you would find on a picture postcard. It was late February 1982, and the church was in revival. The church was always full, and the people – lots of people – were always praying and getting saved, and I became one of them.
I was already saved because I had prayed, but I had never experienced an altar call. When it was given, it was as if I was compelled – almost pushed – to go up to that altar. I didn’t understand anything, but there I was. I knelt down, and the dam of emotion broke through in torrents of tears. I was the last to leave the altar, and the waves of emotion continued on and off throughout the remainder of the day.
Normally I’m not a tearful, emotional person. I couldn’t explain any of it, and I went home to Queens, wondering if I had lost my mind.
The following week I went to a revival in New York City and once again, there it was: the tears and emotion as the love of God overflowed throughout the entire night. The people I went with thought maybe I had some hidden problem, and they were right. The problem was that the Holy Spirit was all over me and I didn’t know it... and neither did they, really.
These weren’t Pentecostal churches, but they were full of people who loved God, and I was getting slammed with the Holy Spirit every time I heard the Word of God. That night I took all my bewilderment and went back home again, convinced I was a nut case with no cure in sight. Something had changed, and nothing seemed normal anymore.
Maybe your salvation wasn’t a tearful, emotional experience, as mine was. That’s not a cause for alarm. Salvation is the gift of God, causing you to pass from death unto life, from Satan’s kingdom into God’s kingdom.
Change happens as you repent of your sins and invite Him into your heart and life, but don’t think the devil just walks without a fight. David didn’t just knock out Goliath with his smooth stone and then walk away. Oh no, no, no! He picked up Goliath’s sword and beheaded him! David knew that if he didn’t kill Goliath, Goliath would rise back up and kill him! That’s the attitude you need to have toward your sin when you get saved. Goliath is like our sin, and there can be no peace treaties with sin. There is no turning back, or it can cost you your life. Just ask Lot’s wife (Genesis19:26).
Biblical repentance always brings a change. It also brings an awareness of the Holy Spirit. Yes, I had prayed before I first came to church, but at that first altar, the Holy Spirit brought about a change in my life. The Bible says the Holy Spirit convicts the world of sin, righteousness, and judgment. He makes you aware of your sin and your need. When you are aware of both, you give your entire soul – all of you, no parts left out – and you want all He has for you.
When you give yourself to Him it means that God Himself, who really and truly died for you (and yes, He paid a horrific price just for you!) is now your Master, your Father, your All in all. And that is His holy right. After all, He paid that price for you that you could never pay – the price that you owed just because you were born a sinner.
Real biblical repentance is not a feeling. It is also not an academic (in your head but not your heart) acknowledgment of sin. It is our only proper response to the righteous judgment of a holy God as we see His holiness and see ourselves for who we are: sinners in need of a Savior. God demands an admission of our sin so He can cleanse us from it. In other words, we need to own our sin, admit it from both our head and our heart. Repentance demands an honest, truthful, and critical assessment of your need; the need to be free from your sin’s chains. Without these factors at work, we can miss out on true biblical salvation.
As my Christian walk continued, I found I had a voracious spiritual hunger. I could not get enough; I went to any Bible study I could find because church three times a week was too little. I even went to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City on St. Patrick’s Day (since I am Irish), because nobody else was having church and I wanted to be in church.
As I read the Bible, went to church, and attended bible studies, it only seemed to whet the appetite, not satiate it. I wanted more of God. Jacob wrestled with God, and God won, but so did Jacob. If you don’t feel saved, maybe that’s because you’re holding onto something you shouldn’t. Wrestle with God. Ask Him about what you really want and what He wants from you. You will be surprised by the answers you receive.
Many people go to an altar and pray, and maybe even get baptized, and they may still walk away wondering if they have the real thing. Don’t be afraid to be like Jacob. God likes honesty. God is faithful to make good on His promise.
Salvation is not just a feeling. It is a certainty. “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus Christ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9). Biblical repentance means to turn away from our sins and walk – yes, even run from them. We can’t do this if our heart isn’t lined up with God’s, and only He can line it up by changing our hearts.
In John 8:3-11, the accusers of the woman caught in adultery left, one by one, without condemning her after Jesus invited whoever had no sin to cast the first stone. Then he turned to her and said, “Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?” She said, “No man, Lord.” And Jesus said unto her, “Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more.” She knew right then and there that Jesus had saved her life. Out of love and gratitude, she served God faithfully for the rest of her life. She could do no other.
Gratitude, obedience, and service are the natural responses of a saved soul. Healing and obedience are both evidences of the transformation miracle of salvation. Healing from the guilt and weight of your sin coupled with obedience helps us to grow in our new life in Christ and keeps us safe from the old chains that held us fast to our sin.
In chapters 4 and 5 in the Gospel of John, he contrasts the healing of the nobleman’s son with the man at the pool of Bethesda. The nobleman struggled with doubt and asked Jesus to help his unbelief. The man at the pool had a disability that caused him to doubt he could ever be healed. Both had to obey God in order to overcome their doubts (sin), for their healing.
Mary was healed from the damages of her life of sin, but like all healing, it came with instructions: “Go and sin no more.” When Mary got saved, she had to make some serious decisions about her life. Yet God sends His Holy Spirit for that very reason, to help us to keep to those new decisions that bring new life. We must decide to run away from our old habits and our old way of doing things and learn to listen to the Spirit when He is talking to us.
We must take an active part in cleaning our house (our heart) so the Spirit can come in and be comfortable making His home there. Biblical repentance is not a one-time event, but an ongoing activity within the Christian walk. It keeps us honest and aware of the fight against our sin, which continually wants to resurrect.
Hopefully, you shower or bathe regularly. Well, think of repentance as your spiritual bath. The quicker we are to repent, the closer our relationship with God will become. God uses a clean soul. Look at it this way: once you’re clean, don’t you appreciate how good it feels and smells? Everyone else does too, including the Holy Spirit. Keep repenting, and He will keep filling you.