Falling in Love is a Choice

By Ken Laue

Brent Prokulevich was out alone, bow-hunting moose in Canada, when he was charged by a 300-pound black bear.

“The Mauling” relates in Field and Stream that the bear bit him on the arm, shoulder and neck, but he fought back with his arrows, and got the bear to back off.

Many people think that “falling” in love is a predatory force that ambushes you like the bear that surprised Prokulevich – only, if you believe Hollywood, you don’t fight the bear. You let it overtake you, and you live happily ever after. But you never get mauled.

That attractive person you think you are falling in love with could be the love of your life, or a 300-pound black bear in disguise. So in spite of what your emotions and hormones are telling you, you may want to move very carefully.

Yes, I understand. On a scale of 1 to 10 she’s a captivating, curvaceous 11, and he’s the very personification of Mr. Wonderful. But is this person compatible with your calling and destiny and God’s plan for your life?

If you allow yourself to be swept away, you may never find out.

Don’t leave the driving to your emotions and hormones. They’re not the best of chauffeurs.

The truth about romantic or sexual love is that you and I do choose who we allow ourselves to fall in love with, and our Creator expects us to choose wisely.

The ground rules on romantic love are laid out in the Good Book. Sexual and romantic encounters outside of marriage are definitely out, as well as sexual relationships that violate our obvious physiological plumbing designed and engineered by God.

Check out the Apostle Paul’s take on this last item in Romans chapter one.

Hollywood’s version of love is a fantasy, as we can see from the statistics on the resulting high divorce rate and the number of "households" that avoid marriage altogether.

I watched my neighbor’s girl grow up from middle school age to young adulthood. She tells me she is on her first marriage – an open acknowledgement that she doesn’t plan to be married only once. Who brainwashed her?

At work and in other settings throughout our lives we will meet people we find attractive or even seductive. But if we're going to serve Christ, then we can't treat these encounters like a surprise attack that we can't or won't resist.

Brent Prokulevich survived his attack by fighting back. Clearly, the 300-pound bear was out to kill this man. That’s a picture of the spirit of lust, and our sinful human nature is an all-too-willing ally.

We humans have a self-destructive streak. We love to play with fire and somehow we believe we won't get burned.

When my wife Bonnie and I were on vacation in Costa Rica, the guide took our group to Río Tarcoles, a crocodile preserve which is a popular tourist attraction.

After watching several crocs lollygagging on sandbars, we were loaded up on flat-bottomed boats to head upriver and view the myriad wildlife. A few feisty crocs basking on the river bank opened their gaping jaws in challenge as the boat cruised by.

But the flabbergasting grand finale was one of the most foolhardy things I have ever seen.

A teenage Costa Rican boy, one of the guides on the boat, jumped out into thigh-deep water. Quickly a huge croc appeared, and the boy enticed it with a whole chicken carcass.

The croc snapped it up and begged for more like a cocker spaniel begs for dog biscuits.  The boy performed various stunts with the croc, rewarding the beast each time with additional tidbits. Finally he mounted the reptile's back and rode him cowboy-style; then grabbing the beast's tail, he pulled it forward over his shoulder in a scaly curl.

Dear God, don't let this foolish boy get hurt, was all I could think and pray as I watched.

Well, it seems this particular spot in the river is the croc’s territory, and he keeps submitting himself to these shows because the boats keep coming through with chickens.

But one day, the croc may decide: You know, I'm extra hungry today, and chickens just aren’t going to do it. I think I need a teenage boy. Then what?

People who see love as that irresistible force that simply overtakes you – that you must surrender to regardless of whether it violates God's revealed rules – those people are playing with a big crocodile.

It’s the beast that could easily have you for lunch.

Human beings are sexual creatures designed with emotions, hormones and the plumbing to go with it all. Since we have a sworn spiritual enemy, we will be tempted in this area at one time or another. I have been, and I bet most of you have, too.

One year I drove a route with some very difficult middle-schoolers, so my boss assigned a teaching assistant to ride on my bus as a monitor every afternoon.

She was an attractive divorcee about my age, good-looking with a great personality, and very friendly. I was married, with adult daughters and grandkids.

I prayed for God's help, but bottom line, I knew I had to make the choice not to entertain romantic thoughts or intentions toward this female co-worker.

I had my encounter with the bear of temptation, and I fought off my attacker.

Hollywood would have told me to go for it.

The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). That’s the way God likes it, because it’s for our own blessing and protection not to be playing with crocodiles or bears.

The spirit of lust is an angry bear you can’t dance with, and you must choose not to fool around with the spiritual crocodiles of life.

Fight them off in the name of Christ and by His grace. Remind yourself: falling in love is a choice. I control it. I don't let it control me.

Choose who you will fall in love with. And choose wisely. Stick to God’s plan.