Prodigal Parenting

Pastor Harold Warner

“Why must we surrender our Jewish faith and attend Lutheran services?” the little boy asked.

“We must abandon our faith,” said his father, “so that people will accept us and support our business ventures.”

The German lad’s faith in his father and his religion were crushed, and he later authored a book containing his philosophy of life: The Communist Manifesto.

The little boy’s name was Karl Marx, father of the Marxist-Lenist ideology that enslaved one third of the world’s population as the influence of one father’s hypocrisy multiplied in infamy.

Exodus 20:5-6 says that God visits the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Him, but shows mercy to the thousands of those who love Him and keep His commandments.

Pastoring the same church for over 40 years has given me the rare opportunity to see people through the lens of time, watching as the promises in this verse play out in the lives of parents, children and grandchildren.

The power of blessings and curses comes alive in this generational context.

I’ve seen good parents raise bad kids and bad parents raise extremely good kids.

There is no magic formula in child rearing, and room for neither pride nor despair.

Even in the biblical lineage of faith, there are a lot of flawed families, and what it all emphasizes is our need for a Savior, and for God’s wisdom, because that dysfunction is embedded in the human genealogy, and even more so in the last days.

Psalm 78:4-8 tells us that God “established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel” regarding how His works and power were to be passed down, that “the generation to come might know and set their hope in God,” and “not be a stubborn and rebellious generation.”

That is, a generation with no authentic walk with God; a generation lost to God’s ways and purposes.

We hear a great deal about the prodigal son representing the tragedy of kids who go crazy, rebel and go astray – and this is certainly all true.

But what about when parents go crazy?

Take for example the lineage of Korah. Do you realize the head notes on many of the psalms say they were written “for the sons of Korah?”

Korah was one of the most infamous rebels in the Bible, and we have to think about the influence of his actions on his kids.

“Ohhhh…. You’re one of Korah’s kids. Well… Lord bless you (I guess).”

Can you imagine living with this all your life?

Now, let me put to rest a false idea, and that is that if you are “too hard” on your kids (i.e., make them come to church) you will drive them away.

I’ll tell you what does drive kids away: a mixed message.

An inconsistent testimony. A double standard. 

These are the things that have power to disillusion and destroy your children, and they come in different forms.

You don’t have to necessarily backslide outright. You can simply grow lukewarm and tired of the battle, no longer keeping the standards and convictions you raised your children with.

You can present a double standard: saying one thing and living another, or living differently at home and at church.

You can become unfaithful to your church and uproot your children’s relationships and reference points when you go church hopping. Or simply vocalize your pet peeves and tear down headship. All of these bring huge fallout and collateral damage.

Then there is of course the tragedy of parents’ infidelity and/or divorce. God says He hates divorce because it wars against His desire for godly offspring.

Consider Lot, who took his family into Sodom, where they lost their hearts.

You can have your little fling with the world, but don’t expect your kids to come through it unscathed. They will wind up angry, confused and compromised, and possibly running headlong into the world themselves.

But God’s incredible grace is always at work, and we see it in Numbers 26:10 where He tells us “the line of Korah, however, did not die out.”

Here we can almost hear God saying, “Okay, yes, your parents messed up and you can’t change that, but what about you?”

Today it’s fashionable to blame any kind of problem on the doorstep of deficient background and/or upbringing. But the truth is that you’re the one with the choice.

You can be brought up in a Christian home with a rich godly heritage, or you may grow up in a home where this is totally absent. In either case, you must personally choose.

Obviously things are weighted in your favor if you had that godly upbringing.

For example, I Chronicles 26:19 tells us the sons of Korah were set apart by God to serve as porters and gatekeepers in God’s house.

Even after Korah was judged by God for treating his office with contempt, his descendants came back and were faithful, and the Bible tells us they were given the ministry of song in the Temple.

Through God’s redeeming grace, Korah’s sons learned of the blessedness and strength of God’s house and an abiding relationship with Him, regardless of how their parents took these things for granted and undervalued them.

They learned to value and protect the worth of God’s house. That one day in His courts was better than a thousand anywhere on earth, and they’d rather be doorkeepers in His house than dwell in the tents of iniquity.

We must believe God for a “Josiah generation.” Josiah overcame the wicked inheritance of his grandfather Manasseh and his father Amon.

II Kings 22:1-2 tells us Josiah was a child of destiny, and he made a choice for God.

He prayed for God’s visitation in his life and on his kingdom.

The last words in the Old Testament, in Malachi 4, tell of the absolute necessity of God visiting us, turning the hearts of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers.

The blessing of God and visitation of God is set in a family context and initiative.

Have your parents gotten detoured?

The choice is still yours. Call on God and you can break the curse, as you ask for a divine visitation and serve Him with all your heart.