Blooms in the Desert

By Kelly Cilano

When I moved to the desert, I didn’t think it was that pretty.

Arriving from the cooler East at the end of May, I was so overwhelmed by the heat that I was totally convinced I’d discovered Hell.

All I could think of was sitting in a pool. My kids were sweating buckets, the dog was panting, and frankly, I didn’t see how anyone could live here. 

Twenty-two years later, obviously, my perspective has changed, because I’m still here.

The heat hasn’t changed. We still sweat and the dog still pants.

The desert is still desert and the cactus still has stickers.

But I’ve made some amazing discoveries:

Hardy little animals and exotic birds actually do live here. And people, too!

The cactus and other plants here survive the extreme temperatures and virtually no water.

In fact, they do more than survive. They blossom here. And those blooms are truly beautiful.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Marriages fall into all kinds of classifications: happy and joyful, hurting and troubled, good and bad. Along with those classifications come expectations, and when those expectations are not met we do fix-its: marriage retreats, marriage seminars, marriage sermons, books, tapes, CD’s, and so forth.

These are not bad things – they’re good things, because marriage is a growth thing, and growth requires adjustments: pruning, fertilization, water and of course, the Son. 

Marriage is also a covenant ordained by God, and is a symbol of Christ and the Church.

But what happens when marriages don’t live up to our images of happily ever after?

Does it mean they aren’t of God? And why would God want me to stay in a “bad” marriage?

First of all, for all those who think that Jesus walked the life of prosperity, happiness, and a bed of roses, then I say to you, read your Bible.

I don’t see Jesus living in prosperity. Yes, His needs were met.  But Prosperity?  No, not by any definition … and as for happiness? Well, that depends.

If you call living with a bunch of men who probably “got” about a fourth of what He was saying – not to belittle the apostles – I’m sure I wouldn’t do as well as they did – and then have them all run away when you needed them most – that would not be my formula for happiness.

Although I’m sure it does prove that Jesus has a sense of humor.

The bed of roses was summed up with Jesus’ statement about foxes having holes, and no place to lay His head (Matthew 8:20)… that essentially says it all.

As for staying in a marriage that is tough, unfair and difficult to bear . . . well, let me ask you a few questions.

Because of your situation are you in serious mind battles, in pain emotionally?  If there is any physical danger than that is a serious time out for all involved, and one problem your pastor needs to counsel.

Is this something that consumes you to the point where it is hard to focus on anything else?

Is it all you talk about until you have worn out everyone around you and even yourself?

Well, I’ve been there and some days I wonder how anyone could be my friend, but I truly learned how to beat the devil back on this one.

That isn’t to say that I’ve conquered or won the war, but I have regained my sanity, I can sleep at night, and I still have friends and family who love me. 

Let me explain.

If you have a problem that is consuming you – and I mean you are walking, talking, and sleeping it – take this as your first word from God: Become a prayer warrior because only God is big enough to handle it.

You cannot deal with this alone, and although I have wonderful friends who should be paid millions for their counsel, no one replaces God.

I used to be the type who would run to 5011, (fifty eleven is how you say that number and it means countless) people with my problems because perhaps they knew something I didn’t.

But they didn’t. And God did.

God understands way more than I give him credit for, He counsels me in every aspect of my life from dreams, to something I hear on the radio, to reading His Word, to pulling weeds.

You see, it doesn’t really matter, when you are seeking God, He will talk to you.

He will get through to you no matter how hard-headed, how deaf, how know-it-all you think you are, He gets through!

The perks of being a prayer warrior are the blessings.

You can sleep at night. Do you know how many people cannot do that?

Prayer gives you better health, mentally and physically.

Don’t stop praying for your spouse, and while you’re praying, pray against the one who is working against your marriage.

Plead the Blood of Jesus daily over your home, your family, and your spouse.

Pray blessing on your spouse, and pray for a hunger for God to be upon your spouse like a deer who pants for the water brook.

Prayer and praise lifts you up as well as the ones you pray for.

Do not give divorce an option in your life; reconciliation is always possible.

Reconciliation is another word for resurrection when it comes to marriage, and it is an amazing and miraculous thing when God breathes life into something.

One thing that really helped me through breast cancer was going to church.

I can’t explain it in logical terms, but when I finally made it through those doors, something broke, and during all the time I was in church – singing the praises of God, listening to the Word being preached, and fellowshipping with the saints – I was lifted from the disease and all its symptoms.

I had a new energy to face life; I had new life circulating in my blood. 

Believe me, there were plenty of days I did not feel like I could come, but I knew my kids and I needed to go, and the fight was well worth it.

The other thing you need to get through your head is that all trials do not necessarily have a time limit.

I know that famous saying: “This too shall pass,” but what if you pass first?

Does this mean that somehow a mistake was made? Did God lose a speck of sovereign rule in your life? I don’t think so.

But maybe your faith perspective needs to be widened. Does God allow good people to suffer?  Do you know that more Christians are martyred today than ever before?

What makes you think that your trial isn’t something you should bear?

The time limit on Jesus’ trial was most assuredly His life, and ours thankfully ends with this life. But… how do we bloom where we are planted? Even if we’re planted in the desert?

This may be a bit controversial but we are commanded in James to count it “all joy,” and this is the way to do it.

Pastor Mitchell gave a sermon illustration about a woman who made a pie for her husband every time he did something that made her upset, because he loved pies.

Now, me, I would have made the pie to throw it at him – but that obviously wasn’t the idea.

No, it was her way of blessing him. I know you have never, nor would you ever think of your spouse as the enemy, but for those of us who have been there and done that, there is an “unlocking of horns” blessing in that kind of response.

What I mean is it keeps you from getting encased in the tit-for-tat escalation that happens so easily in emotional marital struggles.

It also protects you from bitterness; and that is a huge bonus, because bitterness is the foundation for revenge, hatred, and eventually insanity.

Bitterness robs you of your vision and of your health, physically and mentally. And it really makes you stupid beyond compare. Bitterness is like the desert goat’s head, a three-headed sticker that is very difficult to get out without making the wound three times worse than a single sticker.

You don’t want to get entangled in bitterness.

Third, you must remember you stand before God alone on Judgment Day. You don’t stand for your spouse.

You can’t control what he or she does, you can’t control whether or not he or she backslides, and you can’t control the effect on the kids.

You can’t change your spouse, either: that is God’s problem.

You just do what He has called you to do.

Don’t backslide over your spouse’s decisions and don’t stop living because you aren’t on the same page right now.

Be active in church as much as you can. Go to school, Bible study, work – just live life, and determine to be the best Christian you can possibly be.

Don’t let the trials stop you. Rather, let them bring you closer to God.

Talk to Him more than ever. Run the race you have been called to run.

You may feel handicapped, but it is in our weakness that we are made strong.

Stop comparing your journey with others. Yours is different because you are different, and you always will be.

Your message will be to others that they too can thrive, not just survive.

They too can bloom in the desert.