Just a Piece of Paper

By Kelly Cilano

A marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. It doesn’t make the experience more real and doesn’t mean we love each other less or more.

How many times have you heard that?

“It’s just society’s way of doing things,” people say. Good point. It used to be the way society did things, and I wonder why?

Society must have rules and boundaries set up, or chaos rules. No one is safe with chaos. It is a brutal, unfair, unpredictable ruler that breeds fear, hatred, and selfishness, which in turn births violence of every kind.

Chaos is unbridled sin and it is the undoing of the human race.

God loved man despite his damnable sin. Bit He knew him as well. In fact, He knows man and the damaging consequences of his sin more than man does.

Man cooks inside the frying pan of sin, but God is on the outside looking in. He knows the problem and offers a solution: repentance from our sin, acceptance of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for our sin, and then obedience to His Word.

This is the foundation for individual sanity, the betterment of society at large and the nation as a whole.

Our founding fathers knew this. They understood that a government by the people and for the people must have this basic Christian understanding or all was lost.

“Unless the Lord builds the house they build in vain,” Psalm 127:1 tells us.

In 1828 Noah Webster defined it this way: “Wedlock: the legal union of a man and a woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God Himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.”

“Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled,” says Hebrew 13:4, “but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

Society’s way of doing things has a purpose. It is built on a foundation of understanding that didn’t come overnight.

Contrary to popular belief, marriage didn’t originate as a societal idea instituted for tax purposes or as a handy way to raise kids. It isn’t a form of enslavement to keep women in the home, it isn’t a place to grow ignorant and useless, and it isn’t the hideout for the slothful.

The home is the foundation of the nation and “the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world” (which is the title of William Ross Wallace’s famous poem extolling another institution under attack: motherhood).

Today, the traditional home is under siege, because the foundation of the home is marriage. Biblical, traditional, one-man-one-woman marriage.

Marriage was God’s idea, not society’s. Check out Genesis 2:18 where the marriage story begins. God knew what was best then and what is still best now, not only for man and woman, but also for the children of this union. He knew that a threefold cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Not man, woman and child, that is, but man, woman and God.

Children are not the stabilizing factor in a marriage, as some would tell it. The stabilizing cornerstone of a marriage is Christ.

So marriage is endorsed by God (included are blessings of obedience, righteousness, and birthrights, just to name a few); upheld in society (even godless ones); and is the bedrock of nations.

Just a piece of paper? Well, let’s look at what the paperless side has to offer. 

Used to be there was a shame factor involved with premarital sin. Not in today’s world, though.

The pill and the free love 60’s put an end to shame. And that was a good thing, right?

Think again. Shame is actually the good thing because shame puts sin in its place, invoking a strong feeling of regret. Shame in the hands of man can be misused, but not in the hands of God.

Sometimes shame comes packaged in condemnation, but it is the ultimate pride breaker.

Without a taste of shame we won’t deal with sin because sin is pleasurable, and its season can run a lifetime, despite the ruinous effects on ourselves and everyone around us. Unless God intervenes we can stay in love with our sin forever.

Shame is a very strong emotion that we hate, but it can bring about change if we let it. Used the right way from God’s directive, it makes us realize what we have done and at whose expense. Often in premarital sin it is at the expense of a child who must now bear the brunt of their parents’ sin. No, that isn’t fair, but whoever said sin was fair?

How many fathers realized only at the baby’s birth that they had nothing to say about the child’s last name or their rights to see the baby? Yet they would be expected to pay support for that child; and a court would be involved if they were ever to see the child again. That means more expenses from the heart and the wallet.

Perhaps walking away would be the easier choice for all involved? Think again. The statistics on children growing up without fathers are staggering, and none of them are good. They don’t do as well in school; they are discipline problems; they are much more likely to get involved with drugs and gangs, and engage in early sexuality.

The majority of prisoners today – both men and women – had absent fathers or fathers with whom they did not have healthy relationships. Mothers who are involved with premarital sin often had unhealthy relationships with their fathers.

Fathers are not replaceable.

If a marriage does take place the partners often become even more promiscuous and have difficulty staying married.

For ten years The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study at Princeton University has followed the families of 5,000 children, three-quarters born to unwed parents. According to the research, most of these parents, both women and men, said they wanted to get married – and to each other.

But they somehow feel this mutual decision is beyond their power to make. And by not making it, the forces of inertia start pulling them apart. Studies have found that children born to single mothers are vastly more likely to be poor, and to have behavioral and psychological problems.

The argument for getting married and staying married is getting stronger all the time, and unfortunately at the expense of everyone involved.

Everyone has an opinion on marriage, but God has the last Word. That Word says to obey Him and you won’t have to worry about the sinful heartaches.

But what if you didn’t listen before? Are you listening now? Good. Don’t make it worse by getting angry and stuck in condemnation.

Yes, you have some consequences to pay now for not listening. But be honest, repent, and let those good decisions be the foundation of your new life. Let your old life die.

Don’t let the gossip talk get to you, it doesn’t matter anyway, and if you are honest, there really isn’t anything left to talk about.  Nobody talks about what’s on the clothesline, only what’s kept hidden in the closet.

Get the help and advice you need. Places like Crisis Pregnancy Centers, which are available to both guys and girls, can really help you sort things out. Older saints in the church are also a great place to go for help, and they aren’t as judgmental as you may think. Because they may have been down your road, or a road that was similar. They could really help you in ways that could last a lifetime.

Peers that are saved – and yes, it is important that they be saved – can also encourage you in your new life in Christ.

Talk to your parents and your pastor and/or his wife. Do the right and honorable thing, and be accountable, even when you don’t feel like it. It’s feelings that got you into this mess.

Most of all talk to God, and remember He’s got His hand on you. That you have a destiny with the Master, and mistakes plus repentance will make for a new life and a blessed destiny.

King David’s life was great because he always made it back to the throne of God through the road of repentance.

He made a lot of right decisions, but like most humans he also made a lot of wrong decisions, that caused him and his family a whole lot of pain, and even affected an entire nation. In fact, you read about King David’s life in First and Second Samuel when you need some encouragement. He had many sins and setbacks

But King David went into history as a winner and so can you, no matter who you are or what you have done. Providing you do what he did: repent.