The Balancing Act: Life - Family - Ministry
By Dean Ingraham
In a recent work-life balance survey, 77% of workers reported experiencing burnout at least once at their current job, while about half of those same people admitted to having multiple bouts of burnout throughout their career.
Those who find themselves in these positions know just how difficult it can be to balance work with family, friends, and faith. Add ministry responsibilities to the mix, and it becomes even more of a challenge – but it is a vital one that we must embrace.
Living life in balance means living in a state in which each important area of our lives is not neglected, but rather is lived in correct proportion to the other areas. Living out of balance leads to burnout, frustration, and even resentment.
Unfortunately, this is most often our default position. If we are honest, we will admit that most of us never truly live a balanced lifestyle that is both sustainable and fulfilling. Instead, we tend to live from one extreme to the next, busying ourselves to the brink of exhaustion till we crash and burn, with no energy or desire left to do anything at all.
What is worse is that this not only affects us – it may also hurt those closest to us.
So how do we find balance? How do we give our family the attention they need without neglecting others that God has put in our paths, or the ministry that God has called us to?
On the flip side, how do we give our ministry the time and effort it needs without neglecting the family that God has gifted us with?
The first thing to realize is that ministry, while important, is not our first priority. It is not even our second priority. You may have heard it said that your family is your first ministry. This is not a cliché, but a truth that is found in Scripture. If you are thinking, there is no verse in the Bible that says that, you are right. This truth is not found in a single verse, but rather it is woven throughout the whole counsel of God.
Consider Matthew 22:37-40, where Jesus answered the question, “What is the most important commandment?” by saying, “‘you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Jesus continues, “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” In other words, everything is and can be fulfilled within these two commandments. If you don’t have these two things down, then everything else in life is going to be more difficult and your life will be out of balance.
By looking at these two commandments, we see that our first priority is to love God with all that we are. This means loving him spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. It also means obeying His commands (John 14:15), and these commands include the second commandment, which is to love people.
When it comes to loving people, those who come first are those in our family. God is our first love, and our family is our first ministry. When we get these two priorities right, it is much easier to love and serve others as God intended.
More importantly, it is out of our love for God and for people that we will find our place in ministry and in the will of God for our lives. It is also through these relationships that we will begin to work out issues in our character and discover the giftings for ministry that God has placed within us.
“After all, the whole point of ministry is to serve god and to serve people in whatever capacity God gives us.”
Some people say you can have a great family or you can have a great ministry, but you cannot have both. Nothing could be further from the truth. To have a truly great ministry, you must have a great family life. If your family suffers, your ministry will suffer.
Paul understood this when he wrote the qualifications for bishops and elders. He points out that in order to serve in these capacities you must have your family life in order, “for if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1Timothy 3:4-5)
This goes beyond children obeying their parents, wives respecting their husbands, and husbands loving their wives. This means being there for your family physically, mentally, and emotionally, as well as meeting their financial and spiritual needs (1Timothy 5:8).
Fathers, our ability to manage your home and family life with wisdom is proof that you can manage your ministry and God’s church. If you do not give proper attention to this, you will likely find yourself sacrificing your family at the altar of ministry.
While at the time it may seem noble, you will have ultimately made this sacrifice for nothing, because God desires obedience over sacrifice – especially if that sacrifice is one of your family or other people. And if we are not careful, we will find ourselves serving the ministry or calling rather than serving God and those he has entrusted us with.
Trying to fulfill your ministry at the expense of your family is short-sighted and will only lead to heart ache as you neglect the relationships that matter most. It is more valuable to put off your calling for a season so that you can first meet the needs of your family.
Don’t worry, your calling is not going anywhere and God will find other people to fill the needs of the church in the meantime. But there is only one person who can fill the needs of your family, and that is you.
Oftentimes, when we feel overwhelmed, it is not because God is trying to stretch us (though sometimes that is the case). It may be that we have taken on too much, or that we are involved in ministries that God has not gifted us for.
“Living out of balance leads to burnout, frustration, and even resentment. Unfortunately, this is most often our default position.”
We have to remember that we all have different giftings and abilities and varying capacities for ministry. There is no shame in recognizing your limitations. That is how God created you!
In the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus said the master gave each steward talents (money) according to their capacity to serve. He did not expect them to serve beyond that ability. It didn’t matter if these stewards were given one talent or five. As long as they were faithful over what the master had given them, he was overjoyed and they were rewarded. Even the steward with the one talent would have been rewarded, if he had only invested in what God had given him.
It may be good to begin by seeking out a ministry for which we are already gifted. These ministries tend to come more easily to us and are generally less stressful and more fulfilling. They may require less effort and therefore be a better use of our time, allowing us enough hours for our relationship with God, our family, and other people.
The most successful people in business learn how to say no to most “opportunities” that do not give the most benefit for the time and effort spent when compared to others they are better suited for. In business we call this opportunity cost.
When it comes to ministry, we must consider the opportunity cost and choose between what is good and what is best – and this will be different for everyone. While it can be good to spread our wings and stretch ourselves, it is often best to find a ministry which we are both gifted in and passionate about so that we won’t be expending all our time and energy on something we are neither good at nor enjoy.
If your time is really at a premium, you might do well to find a ministry that allows you to serve where you already are three times a week: in church. During any church service, there are dozens of ministries, if not more, going on at any given time, and workers are always needed. This allows you to serve others at church and still have time to give your family when service has ended.
Finding the right ministry to serve in will require an honest evaluation of yourself and your situation. It may mean saying no to some ministries so that you can say yes to others. It may require you to humble yourself and admit that at least at this time, you can only take on so much, and that this is okay.
We all go through different seasons of life and during those seasons, our capacity for ministry will wax and wane according to the various needs of our family, and our relationship with God and other people. Like the changing seasons, there will be points in our lives at which we realize that the need for our family is greater than the need for the ministry.
But we must also be careful that we don’t use the issue of balance as an excuse not to serve in the church either. The fact is, your relationship with God, your family, and other people will never be perfect. Life is not static and you will need to make small adjustments before you arrive at a healthy balance between family life and ministry.
As you grow in your faith and begin to achieve that better balance, you will find that your capacity for ministry will also grow, and so will your opportunities to serve. After all, the whole point of ministry is to serve god and to serve people in whatever capacity God gives us. But if we truly want to serve God and others effectively, we need to learn how to put our relationship with God and our family first.
Recognizing God’s sovereign and watchful eye, we can be assured that His church’s needs will be taken care of and that the whole weight of that does not depend solely on us. No matter how big or small a part we play in the ministry and needs of the church, if we all do our part, God’s work will get done, our families will be taken care of, and no one will go without.
