A Mother's Note

By Sophie Mason

Two months ago, after a day that just drained everything out of me, I wrote this down.

Sometimes I feel and think so deeply that words can’t convey it accurately enough, so I write.

Especially for my husband's sake, I write. This is what I wrote:

Today is one of those days. One of those days that makes mothering feel like an impossible task.

There are so many voices telling me what I should be doing and what I’m not doing enough of.

How am I to keep up with it all!? How do I make sure every child has their needs taken care of?

Each one of them is so different and unique. Parenting four children who are all in very different stages,  and all with unique needs – how do I manage to not be neglectful?

Basic needs, in my youth, were not the same. What are classified as basic needs today are totally different. My social and emotional health wasn’t considered a basic need when I was growing up.

Now it’s considered neglectful to not fulfill every felt need of every child.

As a mother, the pile of responsibilities just keeps mounting – not including anything I want to do for my own personal growth and development.

No wonder people opt for no children! We can barely take care of ourselves, nowadays. 

We are surrounded by voices, all telling us what we’re supposed to be doing. Anything less than perfection is considered a failure.

Not all of them are necessarily bad things, but sometimes they all meld into a cacophony so loud we can't hear anything else.

  Are you doing this? No?! Then you better start, asap! 

  Hey, if you're not doing this, your child could be unhealthy, unhappy, and unfulfilled!

  Read this article, and this blog. And, oh! Have you heard of this new technique?

  You’d better try it all, or else you're depriving your children!

  You must have your child in as many extra activities as possible, or they will miss out on life and grow up to resent you!

  If you're not giving your child this supplement, or this one, and don't forget about this MAJOR one… then … x,y, and z will happen! (Cue horror music)

  If you're not cooking from scratch, then you're poisoning your family! You don't want to do that, do you? Better learn how right now, if you don't know already!

  Whole foods are best! No GMOs, fructose, soy, wheat, dairy, nuts, and ONLY chicken! Actually, no meat at all!

  Did you ever give your child Tylenol?! You did??! Don't you know that causes .....!!!???

  Wait, actually… It's fine; never mind.

  Oh, and by the way, make sure you don’t forget about yourself!! Girl!!!

  OMG, you look like you’ve gained weight! Better work on that. Are you okay?

  Go spoil yourself! Get some self-care. You have to have your oxygen mask on before you help others!

  You really should be more resilient. Maybe you should see a therapist.

  Tired? Well, looks like someone is forgetting to prioritize and take care of herself.

  Make sure you exercise! You have to make time for that!

  Hey, take some time to do something you love. Pick up a hobby, or something.

  Don't forget to socialize! You shouldn't be in isolation! 

  Umm… don’t you think you're putting too much on your plate?! 

I read these thoughts to my husband in tears, thankful for his kind, encouraging words that followed.

The fact is that motherhood is hard, challenging, and sometimes feels impossible – whether I am dealing with a new diagnosis or failed expectations – and, if I am honest, most times it can be too much to bear.

But my testimony is this: I have been learning – and I feel I will always need a refresher course in this – how to find everything and all that I will ever need in Christ.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you.”

We reference this verse when it comes to our children, but this verse doesn't just apply to my children. It applies to me; to us.

Just as He knew my children and what they would need before they were born, He knew that for me, too. He placed in me the things that would develop inside me to help me meet some of their needs, even before I was born. And yes, it takes time and His patient hands molding and shaping me, for those things to develop.

But I can rest assured that He will finish the work He has started in me (Philippians 1:6). And ultimately, only He can meet all the needs of each of my children.

When my strength ends (which is quite soon) His strength is made perfect in my weakness. In Him I can rest. All my cares, all my burdens, all my shortcomings, all my perceived failures, I can give to Him.

I can come to Him in my broken state, as I am, and He will do His work. His work of growing, shaping, building, and sustaining.

My course and assignment of learning this year has been in confidence. Not confidence in myself, per se, but in Jesus who dwells in me and guides me. My confidence in what He says of me, how He defines me and my motherhood.

I can be a confident mother, even when I feel weak and like an imposter. I can have confidence.

I can have confidence in being the mother I am, because my confidence is found in Christ. A confidence that doesn't come from my own strength, skill, or know-how, but from Jesus' strength, His all knowing design, purpose, and equipping.

So, when that cacophony of voices continually plays, I can trust Him to tell me which voices to mute and tune out, trusting ultimately in His steady voice and in His guidance through these beautifully terrifying waters called motherhood.

A beautiful old hymn says: I need Thee, oh, I need Thee; every hour, I need Thee; Oh, bless me now, my Savior; I come to Thee.

Annie Hawks, a mother of three, wrote that hymn. When explaining the inspiration behind it, she said, “One day, as a young wife and mother of 37 years of age, I was busy with my regular household tasks during a bright June morning [in 1872]. Suddenly, I became so filled with the sense of nearness to the Master that, wondering how one could live without Him, either in joy or pain, these words were ushered into my mind; the thought at once taking full possession of me – I Need Thee Every Hour…”

I need Him every hour. We need Him every hour. In confident times and in our times of weakness, we need Him.